drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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