Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
