3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
