told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
