Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
