I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The ass gains better be worth it
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