he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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