My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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