saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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