That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
