Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
