Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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