she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
