alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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