There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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