He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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