how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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