Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
