Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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