worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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