So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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