So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
