you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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