We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
