i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
