WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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