Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
