its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
