I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
