Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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