i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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