this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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