I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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