Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Never joke about your clitoris.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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