i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
