I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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