so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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