i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
