Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
