Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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