i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
