In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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