you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
