I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
