i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
