sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
