Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
