it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
