She's JV to your varsity
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
