i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You're like the curious george of whores
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
