Ambien. No doubt about it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
